So, I've got 3 kids now... you guys know that, right? Of course you do. It's sort of hard to tell from the blog... since there are no pictures in my header or side bar of Miss Helaina. Oops. #thirdchildproblems.
Helaina has fit in so perfectly with our family. She's a pretty go with the flow baby, she sleeps through the night (I know, we're spoiled), and she's pretty much the cutest baby everrrrr.
But, here's the thing.
Having 3 kids, one of whom is a baby is just hard and time consuming. really, really time consuming. I mentioned Helaina sleeps through the night. Yeah, she's pretty much a rock star in that regard.
But... and I do hate to complain... but here I go... naps? Notta. They don't really happen. Just ask my poor sis-in-law who watches her twice a week. Helaina's naps are few and far between and when they *do* happen, they last about 30 minutes if we're lucky. I have taken to calling her Sleepless Beauty during the day. If I could trade long awesome naps during the day for sleepless nights, I'd NEVER do it, I KNOW we have the better deal in that regard, but here I go again.. my older two napped AND slept, so I've been historically baby spoiled, that's for sure.
In between nursing, changing diapers, general baby entertaining, attempting to get baby to nap, wiping my 3 1/2 year old's butt, and trying to prevent all of my children from turning into zombies due to excessive tv exposure, I am seriously lacking what all moms are lacking..
One of the wonderful things about my current employment situation is I am working only 3 days/week. It's truly awesome because I work MWF and have a day in between working to prepare for the next day. Sadly, that's often what I feel like those days "off" are... especially because I have found it near impossible to fit my work into my "work time." On top of that, I have a problem with over commitment... so in addition to my regular day job, I work part-time in the ER and also teach adjunct. So much for "part time," right? I have totally done this to myself and I genuinely enjoy that I get to work a few *different* jobs. To be honest, the ability to perform versatile roles was a big factor in me going for my Ph.D. I'm glad that I get to be involved in research, teaching, and clinical work. In a sense, I "have it all."
But having it all comes at a price.
It's Saturday and I'm grading papers in between trying to an involved mama.
I frequently send emails/finish up on work after the kids go to bed...which means I'm going to bed later and later.
I sometimes miss our Friday night movie party because I'm working in the ER.
My house is pretty much always in a state of chaos (I swear I do laundry and dishes all.the.time, but they never seem to go away?!)
If you're a mom and you're working, I'm not sure you can ever really "have it all." Maybe the problem is that we can convince ourselves that 1) we can or 2) we're supposed to. Perhaps if I shifted my perspective and accepted that having it all isn't achievable and that this is okay, I'd feel a little more okay about it all. I'm not quite there yet, my friends. I still find myself holding onto this idea that I can work multiple jobs, keep a clean house, and be the best most engaging mama around, homemade Valentines and all. But, really, who is helped by striving for this unrealistic ideal?
Not me, my friends.
I think it's time I let it go and start striving to be...
at peace with the state of my house, because I know I'm doing best
unconcerned about a day my kids spend watching movies, because, hey it's not *every* day
okay with a long night spent working because I enjoy my work and doesn't that make me a better mom?
So that's where I am. Because I lack time, this blog hasn't gotten neglected, too.
But you know what? Today I said to myself...
The laundry can wait, the papers can wait, the baby's fine in her swing - I want to write a blog post and I am *allowed* to have those 15 minutes.
And you know what? I did.
Maybe I'm doing better than I thought ;)